Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop 14


Button for blog hopA weekend not quite so eventful as last week, but lovely none the less. And now the countdown for my lad’s first birthday begins. One week to go. Nutty! And only a little bit more than that before mine too. Exciting, right? ^_^

Anyway, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time thinking about short stories, flash and novellas and while mooching through my folders yesterday I found a piece of flash. It was clearly written from a prompt, but I can’t remember exactly what it was. Probably the first line. I’m thinking about sending it somewhere, so I figure the best thing I can do right now is get it looked at by you fine folks.

Now, I know this is breaking the rules just a tiny bit, but I’d like to post the whole story here. Its 470 words, so quite a bit over the 250, but I don’t really want to break it up. So, if you don’t mind, here’s the story. Such as it is.

Ask anybody what happens just before you die and that is what they tell you. I’ll tell you that it’s a disgusting lie. I know that for a fact because I’m about to die. It’s as inevitable a truth as the fact that I deserve it, but I can assure you, it is not my life I’m seeing right now.

I see the life of the man I killed.

I didn’t know him, but I know his type. Hard working, married with kids; all that sort of junk. He was a good, yet undeniably unlucky man.

I also see parts of my life that are never going to happen. The beautiful woman I might have married, the little kids I might have bounced on my knee. Hell, I can even see my hair falling out and my teeth turning to mush because I ate too much of my grandmother’s apple pie when I was just a kid. I’d feel bitter about the loss but for the fact that its my own fault. I’ve no right to complain.

Then, as the images fade out and you’re left with nothing but your own thoughts, the fear starts to creep in. First, you fake it out. Even now, part of me thinks ‘it can’t hurt any worse than it does right now.’ Then I realise that there really is nothing else after this. All that other stuff I might worry about fades into nothing as the darkness grows.

It really is dark now. The pavement, the blood, the spent shell casings, I can’t see any of it any more just like I can’t hear the sirens or the screaming of my partner as she tells me to ‘hold the fuck on!’ Hold on to what, anyway? My ID badge? My gun? Whole lot of good that did me.

They’re right about the light though; it really is there. Its starts small at first, but about the time the sound and vision goes, it starts to grow and it’s like the tiniest point of white which winks like a star. It’s warm too. Slowly, it grows to take up the whole of my vision and it’s so bright that I’d worry about going blind if there weren’t more serious problems on the table right now. There’s nothing I can do about it anyway.

I know what I’m supposed to do next; I’ve heard it enough times. A bit like that ‘life flashing before your eyes’ line, people tell you not to move towards the light. They never mention that you don’t have a choice. I certainly don’t; that bullet hit me square in the chest. I have no choice left but to head for the light; I sure as hell don’t think there’s anywhere else left.

Oh and I’d like to thank you guys as well. I did completely change my short story from last week but I did manage to send it off to the competition. I won’t hear back from them for quite some time, but various suggestions and pointers from you helped me do it. Ta very much!

As ever, visit here for the rules if you’d like to join and, meanwhile, hit these links below for what else is going on on the hop.
http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/
http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/
http://ileandrayoung.com
http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

New from Jennifer M. Eaton…

Welcome to Richard Leonard – Words & Pictures


http://jordannaeast.com
http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/
http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com
http://jlroeder.wordpress.com
http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/
http://ashortaday.wordpress.com
http://mandyevebarnett.com/
http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com
http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

Posted in Critique Blog Hop, Ileandra's Posts, Walking The Razor's Edge | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

When The Brain Drains


brain from Open Clip ArtI don’t know if it’s simply the time of year, the weather, or actual brain-drain, but I seem to have very little to say these days.

I was having a conversation with some friends not too long ago and while it was very pleasant, I found that I didn’t have much to add. My brain was blank. Then I thought about it a bit more; no, actually my brain wasn’t blank, it was just filled with things that had nothing to do with the conversation. Did I have enough nappies in the changing bag? What time did Leon wake from his nap? Had Michael even HAD a nap? What should I cook for dinner that night? Has one of these boys pooped and do I need to think about changing them? Maybe they’re hungry and could use a nice fruity snack…. It went on and on.

And that’s when I realised; I have actually run out of things to say! Unless I’m talking about babies, or milk, or poo or breastfeeding, my brain just can’t cope any more. I have become ‘A Mum.’

Now, before you say it, I realise that I’ve been a mum for quite some time, almost a year, and that the core of ‘becoming a mum’ is having a child. But there is so much more to it and I learn that more and more as the days go by.

I’m a mum because there are people who come before me. I’m a mum because there are people I look after. I’m a mum because there are people I see every day. I’m a mum because these people that I’m talking about, depend on me to feed them, shelter them and love them and because there is nothing I want more in the world than to do exactly that.

Still.. I wish a had a bit more to say these days! O.o

Has that ever happened to you? Has your life ever been so utterly consumed by one thing that there is no space for anything else in your brain? Tell me about it… ^_^

Posted in Ileandra's Posts, Real Life Chatter | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

When Plans Change


Yep. Typical of me really; the competition closes tomorrow and the short story I’ve been writing and posting to Sunday Snippets was my intended entry. Typical me then, that I look at the piece, decide ‘I like that, but it doesn’t fit the brief as well as I’d like’ and totally change the story! The scenes that you’ve so kindly been looking at for me over the last three weeks are no longer part of the story. In fact, the plot has taken a gigantic diversion and become something else entirely!

Not that this is a bad thing. It’s just a bit nutty to do this the day before the competition closes.

The brief, which you can find here, was Betrayal. Simple as. However, when I looked at the story again it felt like more of a revenge piece, than one of betrayal. Sure, that’s there – he was sleeping with another woman after all – but then Laicee took steps to make herself feel better about it. I’m sure you’ve already guessed, or hit the right ball park, from what I’ve previously written over the last couple of weeks.

So I’ve changed it. A lot. The piece is shorter too, or it will be by the time I’m done. I think the story will be better for it too. And of course, there’s nothing to stop me using the original story elsewhere if I so wish.

Have you ever done that? Been absolutely sure and ready that a piece of writing was what you wanted, to realise, right before the deadline that you didn’t quite have it? What did you do?

Posted in Ileandra's Posts, Other Writings | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop 13


Button for blog hopWhat a beautiful day! And yesterday too! Sorry this post is late but I’ve been recovering from a busy night last night. Playing Zombie Earth with other denizens of Leicester. It was BRILLIANT and I’m really hoping to take part in the next one(s).

I hope you’ve had as lovely a weekend as I have so far and that the rest of it turns out just as well for you. 🙂

This week I’m giving you one last 250 snippet from my as yet unnamed short story. The competition I’m entering it to (hopefully) closes on Wednesday so I need to get the last few edits in. This scene is particularly problematic to me, so I’d love to know what you think.

“Who’s Gloria?” Laicee slammed the diary onto the table, making her coffee mug jump against its coaster. “Some fresh skank of yours?”
On the other side of the table Billy raised his own mug to his lips. He sipped at it without speaking, his eyes narrowed as he glared over the rim. “Don’t speak to me like that, Laicee.”
“I’ll speak to you however the hell I like!” She snapped. “Who is Gloria? Why is her name all over your diary?”
“She’s my secretary.”
The soft, matter of fact answer fanned the flames of Laicee’s fury. She pointed a trembling finger at Billy’s face. “You don’t even feel the need to lie about it, do you? How long have you been seeing her?”
Billy put his coffee down. “I haven’t. Not in the way you seem to think, anyway. She works for me, books my meetings, takes my calls.”
“You’re such a bad liar. I’ve seen you.”
“No you haven’t.”
Laicee ground her teeth. “Yesterday, leaving the office for a ‘meeting’ with some red head pinned to your side like a limpet. Friday morning, sitting in a café with that same red head, your hands all over her legs. Tuesday lunch time,” she paused, fighting the heat rising from the pit of her belly. “Tuesday lunch time, in the back of the car. My car!”
“You’re delusional.” Billy’s voice cracked. He swept to his feet, shoving his chair back several feet as he did so. “I’m going out.”

As always thank you for stopping by and thank you for your comments. I’m deeply grateful for any and all suggestions, ideas and nit-picks you have; I welcome them. I hope my words in return as as useful to you as yours are to me.

Don’t forget to check out what other hoppers are doing this week 🙂 and to visit here if you’d like to join us!
http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/
http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/
http://ileandrayoung.com
http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

New from Jennifer M. Eaton…

Welcome to Richard Leonard – Words & Pictures


http://jordannaeast.com
http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/
http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com
http://jlroeder.wordpress.com
http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/
http://ashortaday.wordpress.com
http://mandyevebarnett.com/
http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com
http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

Posted in Critique Blog Hop, Ileandra's Posts, Walking The Razor's Edge | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

eBook Review: High Moor 2


high moor 2 book coverAuthor: Graeme Reynolds
Title: High Moor II – Moonstruck
Genre: Horror, beautiful, beautiful horror!
ASIN: B00BVC7MKW
‘The people of High Moor are united in horror at the latest tragedy to befall their small town. As dawn breaks, the town is left to count the cost and mourn its dead, while breathing a collective sigh of relief.
John Simpson, the apparent perpetrator of the horrific murders, is in police custody. The nightmare is over.
Isn’t it?’


I’m such a shameless fan girl. I can’t help it. It took me long enough to get around to this review (I’ve not written one for AGES) but I think that’s primarily because I’ve been guzzling books like water on a hot day. This book, however, needs my review. I need to talk about how much I freakin’ love this book.

So first, I should say that there is a book previous to this. I believe we’re looking at a trilogy. I’ve reviewed the first book already and when I finished it I didn’t expect another.

Graeme was kind enough to send me a copy of Moonstruck and though I took my time in getting to it, when I finally started, it was a three day job to read. Yes, that’s not that fast, but when all my reading is confined to snatched moments while breastfeeding a baby and sitting on the loo, I think I did pretty well. 😉

Anyway! The story picks up where the previous one left off, diving straight into the action. It may be confusing if you’ve come to the story without having read the first book, but the drip feed of info, for me, was perfect. I’d forgotten every character’s name and most of the events of the previous novel (I only have so much head space, so sue me!) but it soon came rushing back.

I’m not giving you any spoilers. I’ll just say if you’ve read High Moor then you need to follow it up with this gorgeously (is that a real word?) gory, fantastically intense and breathtakingly fast paced sequel. If you haven’t read High Moor, then do that first, then follow it up with this gorgeously gory, fantastically intense and breathtakingly fast paced sequel.

Posted in Books, Ileandra's Posts, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment