The Maniacal Art of Self Sabotage

I’m sure that makes things sound so much worse than they actually are; but as a title, I like it. πŸ™‚

Self-Sabotage; Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviours are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating in the face of weight concerns, and self-injury such as cutting.

~Definition lifted from Psychology Today.

Blimey. Well of those behaviours I think the only ones I don’t do are the self medication and self harming. Two out of four ain’t bad, right? πŸ˜‰
Sorry; I don’t want to make light of these things. I know full well that people out there suffer from these very real problems and it isn’t easy.

My own self sabotage is minor compared with the two I don’t do and only one of those affects my writing. But, as a writer, they are no less valid.
I procrastinate. A lot.

I find excuses to do other things that I tell myself are useful. I spend months and months going over the same piece of text to make it ‘better’ when in truth I’m too scared to go on. I find ways to avoid doing the last things things I need to do in order to progress myself.

In my goals on Thursday I mentioned Slippers & Chains. It’s lingering because, after my op, I’ve been slow, tired and unable to work the way I used to. But before my op? The novella was ready to go at least a week before the Wednesday I went under the knife. So why haven’t I sent it yet?
Oh… my synopsis isn’t ready.
Oh… I need to format the .docx file to match the guidelines of Breathless Press‘ submissions process.
Oh… I don’t have time because Da Shared Brain is giving all her time to Ileandra to work on her latest WIP.

All of that is bullshit.
Coiled poo in brown with stinky whiffsYes, it’s true, but it doesn’t stop me working. It shouldn’t anyway. The Brain separated us, allowing Ileandra and I to work the way we do because it works.
My op was minor and I was home the same day; bar being unable to pick up the sprogs, I’m back to mopping, washing and generally taking care of my house and everything else the way I was before.
I have to work on my synopsis, but it’s already written; all I need to do is tweak it.

So what the hell am I waiting for?

Crying face from OpenClipArtIf I’m brutally honest, I’m scared.
That’s all it is.
I’m scared of failure and rejection and, so long as I don’t send the manuscript, I can’t feel either of those things. So I make excuses, find ways to avoid doing it.
I touched on this very briefly here but I feel admitting the facts to myself as well as you will help me overcome the fear.

I need to be brave. To trust in what I’ve written. It was received well enough by my betas; I can’t keep second guessing them, telling myself that they were kind because they like me. I chose these people specifically because they wouldn’t do that and Ileandra has done the same for her WIP.
It’s easy to talk the talk here on the blog when the piece is no where near ready to send, but right now, when I have to step up and do it… well this is where I prove to myself that I mean what I say.

I put it in my goals on Thursday, but I’m going to say it here again.
This week I send Slippers & Chains to Breathless Press. No messing around, no more procrastinating or excuses.

My desktop is dead, but I have a laptop.
I’m poorly, but The Funk Master is off work, for the most part, meaning that I have plenty of time, without the boys, to knuckle down and write.
Ileandra is working on WTRE, but Da Shared Brain can ration the time between us so we both get a share.
I’m tired, ill and sore, but eating well, more sleep and lots of fluids will help take care of that.

I’m out of excuses. Let’s just get it done.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Raven's Signature In Black

About Raven ShadowHawk

I take great pleasure in writing erotica and am merely one side of the proverbial coin. My other half, 'Ileandra Young' writes fantasy and the occasional comedy piece. My six-part series 'Meeting Each Other' is available in full, through Amazon and Smashwords while my debut novella 'Sugar Dust' is now re-released (!) available through Amazon via Little Vamp Press.
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4 Responses to The Maniacal Art of Self Sabotage

  1. Hey there, glad to see that you’re trying to get on with the writing.

    Procrastination is such a problem when it interferes with work. On the other hand, it is a behaviour that seems to be hardwired into the brain. So you need to keep coming up with new mind tricks to beat it. Essentially you’re telling yourself that those are not the droids you’re looking for and that you can be on your way. πŸ˜‰

    I’m feeling wiped out this weekend for different reasons. But I have to get on with the writing. It will help me get over my heartbreak and move on. The great thing about writing is that you can create the ending you want, even when life doesn’t go the way that you would like.

    Have a great (productive!) weekend. πŸ™‚


    • Hehee, I like that; ‘these are not the droids you’re looking for.’ Any excuse to get a Star Wars reference in. Well in tomorrow’s update I’ll be talking about how I actually got on with it, so hopefully that will put a smile of a few people’s faces.

      And I didn’t realise you’d suffered a hearbreak. 😦
      *hugs* Without knowing the details, all I’ll say is that I hope things haven’t been too awful and that it brightens up for you soonl. x


      • It still stings a bit but I haven’t known her that long so I’m kind of back to my old self.

        In reflection, I would say that she isn’t as ideal a match as I thought. It’s a bit impersonal of her to write to me four weeks after our date and say that she isn’t looking for a relationship.

        Still, it’s given me an experience that I can use – in fact, I know the perfect story to use it in, and it adds something that I would never have thought of otherwise.

        Anyway, thanks. I appreciate the support. πŸ™‚


        • She wrote to you? Wow. I don’t want to say ‘interesting choice’ but the rest of me can’t help it.
          I’m pleased to hear you’re thinking about it positively and that you’ve got story fodder out of the experience. πŸ™‚


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