I suppose it would be kind to leave a warning here before you start. Many, if not all, of the links (and pictures) in this series of posts are totally NSFW. If you want to have a look, do, by all means, but don’t be surprised if you find naked boy bits at the other end . . . or girl bits.
Happy? Let’s go.
Stepping aside from bondage for now we’re going to look into the ‘D’. Discipline. While it is a bit of a misnomer to say we’re leaving bondage behind utterly, discipline in a BDSM sense can be enjoyed without the frills and spills of the other three letters. But there IS a lot of overlap.
First of all, (because it amuses me) here are portions of the Wikipedia definition of the word:
Discipline is the suppression of base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with self-control . . . Discipline is when one uses reason to determine the best course of action that opposes one’s desires, which is the opposite of Fun.
~above links form part of the definition as provided by the wiki.
That last phrase amuses me greatly: ‘the opposite of fun.’ Surely if the D aspect of BDSM were no fun, people wouldn’t indulge quite so much? Anyway . . . here’s a definition that makes far more sense in the context we’re discussing:
Discipline is the use of rules or punishment to control or reward
behaviour in a sexual context.
Heh, thank you very much, ‘What is BDSM.com‘!
The reason discipline is so often linked with bondage and/or dominance and submission is because discipline tends to occur between a dominant and a submissive and one of the tools or methods for applying that discipline can be through restriction. Example: if a submissive speaks out of turn or in a manner that displeases their dominant, they may be bound to prevent speech for a short amount of time.
But discipline isn’t (and shouldn’t) be confined to punishment. Discipline also involves rewarding good or desirable behaviour, usually in a way that is pleasant for both the recipient and donor. This varies a great deal—as do all the cool things in life—but can involve sensation play, penetrative sex, teasing or simple a pat on the head and a cheerful ‘well done.’
A great example of this, for me, as to be the film ‘Secretary’. Waaaaaaaaaay before the likes of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ came along, a dominant man plays games with and indulges in B&D, D/s and SM behaviours with a younger woman.
If you haven’t seen this film really do take the time to watch it (y’know . . . if that’s your thing). James Spader is excellent (and creepy, in a sexy way) and Maggie Gyllenhaal does a fantastic job as the occasionally naughty, often cheeky secretary (the poster is freakin awesome too!).
So if you’ve ever spanked your other half for ‘naughty’ behaviour or ‘rewarded’ them for good ones it could (might not, but could!) be classed as discipline . . . oooo you saucy minx, you!
Two books particularly have changed my mindset on this and I realise now that the reason this process is taking so long is because there was not sufficient planning at the start.
If you want a job done, give it to a busy person . . .
Well . . . going to bed so early means I’m going to lose at least an hour of work each night. No two ways about that. But I figure, if I’m strict enough about my bed times, I can put that hour in the morning instead. This way I’ll still be getting my 7-8 hours of rest, but my work time is split across morning and evening.
Writing: A Conversation Without Interruptions 