RS: The ‘SM’ In #BDSM – Part One, Let’s Lay Out Some Facts


I suppose it would be kind to leave a warning here before you start. Many, if not all, of the links (and pictures) in this series of posts are totally NSFW. If you want to have a look, do, by all means, but don’t be surprised if you find naked boy bits at the other end . . . or girl bits.
Happy? Let’s go.

line break, swirling graphics, from openclipart

Oooookay. As I come towards the end of my ‘chat about BDSM’ let me try to break down the SM part for you. o.O

Here we go.

The Free Dictionary defines sadomasochism as:

The combination sadism and masochism in particular the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting submitting to physical or emotional abuse.

I picked this definition first because I (thoroughly) dislike it in the context of BDSM. The word ‘abuse’ has so many negative connotations these days, that to use it as part of the definition seems short-sighted and wrong. BDSM, including the SM part, is about connection, communication and mutual gratification. It’s not even always sexual.

Abuse, by it’s nature is something that often one or both parties can’t possibly enjoy. So . . . that, to my mind, is not what sadomasochism is.

Though I tend not to rely on Wikipedia for my info, I much prefer how their article on on sadomasochism begins:

Sadomasochism, a subset of BDSM, is the giving or receiving of pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation. Practitioners of sadomasochism may seek sexual gratification from their acts.

So . . . notice how sexual gratification and pleasure are mentioned here separately? They can be linked but not always.

This is a tricky part of BDSM to talk about as my knowledge is quite limited and I don’t actually know many masochists or sadists (there’s a hole in my friendship circle I never though I’d have to think about!), but I think it’s safe to say that, as a starting point, it’s important to note and understand the following things:

  • It’s not just about hurting people
  • The giving and/or receiving of physical pain is often not the end game, there is more involved that tends to go deeper

Next time I’ll discuss the different ways people find pleasure through SM activities. Bear with me . . . it’s going to need a fair bit of research. 😉

Raven's Signature In Black

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About Raven ShadowHawk

I take great pleasure in writing erotica and am merely one side of the proverbial coin. My other half, 'Ileandra Young' writes fantasy and the occasional comedy piece. My six-part series 'Meeting Each Other' is available in full, through Amazon and Smashwords while my debut novella 'Sugar Dust' is now re-released (!) available through Amazon via Little Vamp Press.
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