I suppose it would be kind to leave a warning here before you start. Many, if not all, of the links in this series of posts are totally NSFW. If you want to have a look, do, by all means, but don’t be surprised if you find naked boy bits at the other end . . . or girl bits.
Happy? Let’s go.

Sorry it’s late folks! Goodness, we’re not doing very well with getting these things out on time, are we? Never mind! Back to normal—I hope.

So, submission. I’ve been looking forward to this because it’s a mindset I’m keen to understand. What is it that leads a person to want to submit? In some cases to need submission? Let’s discuss.

What Is Submission?

First of all, let’s just say it’s not about being a doormat. Similar to the way I spoke about dominance, submission is about finding pleasure and/or peace in the act of giving over control to someone you know and trust. Some submissives find pleasure in sexual submission, others in domestic. Others find their pleasure in putting all their decisions wholly in the hands of another. Like everything to do with BDSM, there are myriad flavours and variations.

So . . . It’s About Not Being In Charge?

In its most simple form, you could say that, but not quite. Remember I said ‘not a doormat’? A submissive may be a shy and timid person, they may be a strong, extroverted and bold person, it doesn’t matter. The core here, is where they find their pleasure: making someone else happy by doing as they’re asked.

But a submissive still has a lot of control. I’ve heard it said, time and time again, that the real power in a D/s dynamic lies with the submissive, as they always have the right to say ‘no.’ The same is true for a dominant (though the intricacies of why a dominant may need to say no are quite complex), but certainly if a submissive calls a halt to any play with a safe word, then yes, that can be considered a type of control.

But Why?

Why not? In other parts of this series I’ve talked about the pleasure to be found in restriction and bondage, not mainstream in their appeal but very much there. In this case, it’s because a submissive enjoys the act. Simple as. Either enjoyment comes from the act of submitting, or the pleasure in seeing the results of their actions, or even just in relaxing into a role in which the usual pressures of every day life don’t apply. The reasons behind each person’s desire to submit is deeply personal and hard to sum up in a paragraph.

Is It Dangerous?

*sigh* Crossing the road can be dangerous. Eating grapes can be dangerous. Danger lies in how the relationship is treated and what the people involved are like. The act of giving someone your submission is, in of itself, a deeply personal and trusting one. The potential for emotional and mental harm is off the charts, but that is just the same as any other vanilla relationship. So too, is the risk of physical harm. Sure, there may be other factors involved that aren’t present in a vanilla relationship (we’ve already touched on bondage, later we’ll be looking into S&M), but I don’t believe submission is dangerous.

But What About—

Yes, I know. I know. Don’t worry, I’m very much aware that there are situations in which submission (and dominance) can be dangerous and since we all knew it was going to happen, the next time I post, I’ll be talking about that relationship in those books.

-_- It’s going to be a rough one, but I’ll do my best to keep my rage to a minimum.

Catch you next time.