I know this is my second post of the day, but I really wanted to do this and I didn’t want to dilute it by mixing it with the other post. Hope that doesn’t throw a spanner in the cogs of your day. 🙂

I bought three bottles of celebratory cider yesterday. I was far too exhausted to drink even one and rounded off the day curled up again a pillow eating crumpets instead.

What did I have to celebrate?

I FINISHED MY EDIT OF SILK OVER RAZOR BLADES!
*cue fanfare, drums and naked running through the streets*
…ahem.

I feel like this novel has consumed my life for a month and a half but it’s longer than that. Much, much longer. Dave asked me when I first started writing it and I don’t mean this ‘version.’ I mean when I wrote the first word of the very first version which was called To Be A Teenage Vampire. As you can probably guess… I was quite young.
I wrote the first word sometime in June 1997.

1997!!!

Yeah, I know. I was 13 years old. This week I turn 30.
I think I can safely say I’ve never spent so long doing one thing in my entire life. That, more than anything else, proves to me that writing is what I’m meant to do.

Dave’s been joking that I need to ‘hurry up and get it done’ since I’ve been writing it for seventeen years. I almost wish I hadn’t told him (!), but the banter has really helped me over these last few days. I’ve made so many changes, nudged things, flipped things over and over, but I’ve got it this time. I have to.

In November 2013 I rewrote the novel from scratch because I wanted this to be the last time. Well I meant it. If I can’t get it published after this then I’m going to dump the project and not come back to it.

I finished putting in chapter headings last night and separating the story into ‘parts.’ This helps me keep track of where the weight of the story is, as well as breaking it down for readers. Next step (probably at some point today) I’ll convert the document from Scrivener into .mobi, .epub and .doc files ready to send to betas.

I feel sick.
My head hurts.
My stomach is filled with the flutter of elephant sized butterflies and I can’t sit still or concentrate to anything.
Today is the party for my twin sons’ second birthday. I need to focus. But I can’t. I can’t think of anything but the agonising four weeks in which I wait for reader feedback.

I know this is part of the process, but I want it to be done.
I liken it to waiting for exam results, but I don’t think it’s quite the same. Exams force you to parrot what you’ve read from a textbook in the hopes that you’ve retained something from hours of tedious studying. Sending a novel to beta readers is like sending a piece of your soul to someone wielding a butcher knife red pen. It hurts. And… considering what I just wrote about reviews, I’m pretty damn nervous. No… terrified.

But I’m going to do it. Because that’s the life I chose.

So…! If at some point you expressed interest, or agreed to read this blasted novel, be prepared for an email winging your way. It won’t take long; I need to do it before guests start arriving or else I won’t be able to enjoy the party and all the nummy food I’ve been making (two batches of home-made ice cream, lemon cheesecake and spicy rice salad).

This is my first ‘goals’ post after the April A2Z and since I spent all of April editing, it might be time to hand control of Da Shared Brain back to Raven. But… before I do that, there are some other things I need to take care of. So…

This Week

1. Send SORB to betas and then forget about it!
2. Enjoy my sons’ birthday party
3. Watch the streamed version of King Lear performed by the National Theatre on Thursday and enjoy the all mighty hell out of it!
4. Enjoy my grown ups only party on Saturday

I think that’s enough to be getting on with for now, right? I know for sure that Dave feels I could use the break. For once I’m inclined to agree with him. 🙂