In fact, after Liar’s League back in March, I came home and asked Dave (bearing in mind he was in bed and trying to sleep) if he thought I was a snob. I asked him this because I listened to those stories and left the venue adamant that I could do better. Convinced that if I were to submit something that it would stand a pretty good chance of being selected as a performance piece because my writing is of a better calibre. That’s what was in my head.
So I came home, all twitchy and nervous trying to figure out if that made me snobbish, confident or arrogant. Or all three.
I still haven’t figured it out, but I do feel that this isn’t what most folk worry about when they question themselves. It certainly wasn’t what I had in mind when I picked the title of this blog post.
I wanted to talk about insecurity and whether or not I’m good enough for what I’m trying to do and if, in actual fact, Raven and I have made a huge mistake.
Talk about a switch.
I still want to discuss those things because they’re linked. It does all come back to self-confidence.
I decided to self publish when I got sick of the repeated rejections of agents who ‘liked what they saw’ or ‘couldn’t place the story’ or ‘didn’t think there was a market’ for my ideas. I also saw the success of other self published authors and realised, control hog that I am, that this is probably a better route for me. I can go as fast or as slow as I like, decide on what goes what way and all the risk is mine. Meaning that all the success is mine too. I liked that part.
But am I good enough to do it? Do I have enough time to do it? Will I earn enough to make it viable? Is it fair to keep writing in the time I do have spare, rather than looking for more reliable part time work to help support my family?
These are questions I battle with every day and I still don’t have enough answers.
There’s no pressure from Dave for me to go back to the 9-5 grind. He certainly prefers that I’m here with the boys, rather than working, being miserable and then spending all the money I do earn on childcare (which is exactly what would happen). There’s no pressure from any body else either; just praise and pride that I’m doing something that they either wish they could do, or know I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.
This is another one of those things were the problem is all in me.
Am I good enough?
No idea. I’ll find out as I go.
Do I have enough time to do it?
Not really, but you make time for the things you love, don’t you?
Will I earn enough to make it viable?
I’m not JK Rowling or Stephen King, but I will, one day be able to pay bills with my writing. I’ve already done that with non-fiction pieces, so I know it is possible.
Is it fair to keep writing in the time I do have spare, rather than looking for more reliable part time work to help support my family?
See above. 😛
Heh, okay… then what about my reaction to the Liar’s League writers?
What do you think? Am I snobbish, confident or arrogant? Or all three?