I am very hard to please. This isn’t a recent discovery, but one I’ve wanted to analyse for some time. Why do I always push? Why is nothing ever good enough?
Consider:
Since officially leaving my last job (February) and starting my own business (April) I have earned money, published articles and appeared in magazines. All while taking care of my sons. My writing, despite no longer working a 9-5 job, still takes a back seat, but I have achieved more, so far this year, than in any other to date.
Let me outline my achievements this year, as I see them.
-started my own business (and had two paying clients, and three enquiries)
-a letter in Writing Magazine
-a letter in Writers Forum
-entered at least two writing competitions per month since January
-successfully pitched an article to a magazine (on my first try!) and will shortly receive payment
-started the background work on getting Slippers & Chains in print
-turned over enough regular non fiction writing since May to average £30 a week in additional income
-lost over a stone (we’re talking weight now), over the course of two-three months
-taken on at-home learning and earned a certificate in Working In Mental Health
-written five short stories and probably three times as much flash fiction
And there’s probably more than that. I find it hard to think of these things on the spot, despite my Good Things Jar. So why am still unhappy? Why am I still pushing? Why do I look back over what I have done and tell myself ‘that’s not good enough.’?
Why, why, why!
Do I call it a real and honest urge to do better, or is it just the inability to be satisfied with what I have? Ambition is a good thing, but constantly striving for more because nothing I have (or have done) is good enough to suit me, is just damaging.
Hmm.
I can’t decide which it is. I’m probably going to spend the next couple of hours (weeks) thinking about it (and then being dissatisfied with my answer).
*sigh*
Oh well.
Here’s a picture of a cute cat to fill the void.
Writing: A Conversation Without Interruptions 
Sometimes I feel the same, but then I take a step back and look at what I have in me instead of what I see. It is normal to be critical about your work, but at the same time, you have to acknowledge your talent. Your talent will get you further than your skill, so don’t let your personal judgements shrink you.
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^_^ Thanks Jeyna.
I’d not quite thought about it that way, but it really does help. Thank you for stopping in and thank you for commenting. I appreciate it a great deal. x
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There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do more and wanting to achieve better things but I’m glad here to see you taking stock of the things that you HAVE achieved which are hardly contained in a small list! I think it’s also good to try and make yourself realise how much you have achieved whilst continuing to be ambitious or else, you’re right, one will never be fully satisfied. You’ve done great and I hope you can make yourself realise it (and know that there will always be some prick that has done more/better than you have) because a person that feels dissatisfied when they have already done a lot to be proud of (not even including raising twin boys!) is an uneasy thing. Do you have a ‘targets’ list? I know you have your jar into which you put the good things that happen every month but have you sculpted a realistic three/six/twelve monthly targets list? Seeing for yourself how much you might be able to tick off in a time frame might well be a happy check and motivator.
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Juls! Hi honey. 🙂
Funnily enough, that is one thing I try to do quite regularly. Open up my jar and have a look at the things I’ve done. It does give me a lift.
But a goals/targets list would be really handy. I genuinely get a buzz from seeing a physical list with things ticked off on it, so maybe that’s what I need to do. Then it’s a reminder of what I’ve achieved as well as what I have to do.
Balance. It’s all about balance. Ugh.. how do I do that? o.O
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Yes, I see what you mean. Always looking ahead means we can fail to see what is great about what we’ve done, and you’ve done great things 🙂
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Smelling the roses, right? There really is some truth in the old saying after all.
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