This Fifty Shades of Grey thing is doing my nut. I’ve been reading the triology, happily (in the loosest possible meaning of the term) for a day and a bit and I can see so much of my earlier writing style in what EL James has done. The choice to use first person, using present tense (something I only EVER do with roleplay posts now), the cluttered and clunky sentences, the contrived metaphors and imagery. Its all there and though I recognise it, which is good on one level, on another I’ve started to question if I’ve stepped as far away from that as I really think.
A lot of my flash (for the A-Z Challenge) is first person. If I’m writing something quickly, it tends to be the easiest choice, and then, if I’m returning to it, I’ll often switch to third person. Most of the flash from that challenge hasn’t been edited yet; I’ve held onto it so I can edit as I start to go over the entries here on the blog. But I have been reading them. Particularly since I’ve been using them for Six Sentence Sunday offerings for the past few weeks and because a few of them are erotic.
I can’t decide how I feel about them. I look at the words and some days I’m thrilled with them and other days I have to fight not to delete the file from my computer. Its a bizarre sort of conflict and it stems from my desire not necessarily to be successful, but from the desire to be remembered as a good writer. Deep down, making tonnes of sales and having every body talk about my work would be wonderful, but that’s not what I’m here for. I certainly don’t want to be remembered for selling lots of dross. I want to be remembered for writing good prose with interesting, well rounded characters and believable dialogue.
I’m sure this is one of those days that I just need to ignore the little voice at the back of my mind. I mean surely all authors have to have some measure of pride or conceitedness about them – or else we’d never write and expect/hope/pray that people will read what we have written. But the voice that tells me ‘you’re doing okay,’ has been very quiet for the past couple of days.
How do you guys deal with flagging confidence? Is it something that bothers you or have you found a way to stomp on that little voice at the back of your mind and tell it to leave you the hell alone?