Something like this, right? I bet, with a title like that… this is the sort of place you’re thinking of right now.
HA! Guess again…
You might not think so, but a child’s birthday party… shit, that is the scariest place in the world!
Not that I didn’t enjoy myself; it was actually incredibly pleasant, but getting an insight into the following things was enough to make me look down at my increasingly bulging stomach and want to cry:
- Kids can (and will) put anything in their mouths.
- Kids do not like to share
- Kids are capable of incredible acrobatic feats, though they still end up sitting on the floor sobbing, when done
- Kids move incredibly fast (straight out the front door and onto the slushy, busy street) when you aren’t looking
- Kids like sugar (and go crazy after eating copious amounts of it)
- Kids can (and will) demand things at great volume and will continue to do so until they get what they want
- Kids can make a mess in less time than it takes to pick up your own glass of lemonade
Yes… All this and more besides, I realised as I sat down amongst them and watched the table of cakes and sugary treats get messier and messier.
This I realised, as I moved a hand to take a chocolate biscuit from a tray, only to find another much smaller, but far quicker hand, snatching said biscuit away before I could reach it. And then taking the tray for good measure.
This I realised as I saw one lad snatch a cocktail sausage off the floor and shove it into his mouth; well before I could even raise a hand to shout his mother who was significantly closer and had half a chance of stopping him.
*sigh*
But do you know what else? Through it all, I also realised these things:
- Kids are incredibly cute.
- Kids are very loving.
- A child’s smile can be one of the most beautiful things in the world, second only to their laughter, which is full and real and utterly unjaded
- A child loves and needs you unconditionally and will, if you time it right, offer you the biscuit they just snatched away from some unsuspecting onlooker. You know… just in case you want it.
So… with all these things in mind, I’m not entirely certain that I’m any more prepared for the arrival of my babies, but I’m certainly starting to think ahead as to how to avoid my house looking like a sugar-dusted bomb site once the (double) birthday party is over.
Please, please tell me its possible!
Writing: A Conversation Without Interruptions 
Start planning where to move everything when the rugrats start furniture walking. Plan early.
Learn that :
ANYTHING small enough to fit in a mouth WILL go in said mouth.
Even things that are unbreakable can break if you pound it hard enough.
Things that are out of reach can sometimes be brought within reach by pulling on things within reach.
Hot things only burn AFTER you pour them over yourself. Kids do not always see the consequences that we know happen.
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Life’s important facts! Trying not to kack myself… not sure of my success rate right now, but I’ll keep trying.
Forgot about that ‘things not in reach’ one though. Certainly something I’ve seen happen a lot with my brothers.
Hmm… Child proofing plans need to start early!
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I’d also like to add that if it is too big to go into the mouth, they will find somewhere else to put it. Luckily, the days of the VCR are gone, but there will be new slots that are just the right size for a plastic camel that we have not yet discovered.
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Uh oh! There are so many interesting things in this house to be pulled, pushed, licked, inserted… whatever! -_- Revamp required.
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