Maintaining The Balance


Mmm, so, after addressing the ache in my fingers, I feel that I’m getting somewhere.

That first ache, I think, will continue to be exactly that for quite some time, though the act of stretching across chords is still a pain. Hurty! I know that so long as I keep pushing, that will get easier. The second ache, I think is loads better!

I’ve really been pushing at Clash this week and I think that I’m making good progress with it. Michelle, as a character is rounding out nicely, and Aaron (yes, I’ve changed his name back to Aaron now! :P) is also less flat. He was, before a bit pale and washed out a character, but the hints about his past when he’s talking to Dieter are helping to give him dimension. I don’t think I like him, lol, as a person that is. If I met him and got to know about him, what I know now, I’d run a mile! But that’s perfect.

The dynamic between him and Dieter is improving too. Its a fantastic sort of love/hate thing going on which reminds me just a little of Ileandra and Diavian on TIWT. Then again, theirs is a very obvious relationship between ‘mother’ and ‘daughter’ that was doomed from the very beginning. With Aaron, his depends on Dieter in a way that obviously pisses him off something rotten and he resents the implication that he cannot think and act for himself. But he also wants Dieter’s approval and is constantly struggling to earn it. Couple that with the mission he’s given and his own little ‘problems’ with women, its all just deliciously tense to write.

In fact, I think I’d like to give you an exert. This is the tail end of the first scene the novel puts Dieter and Aaron together. They are at Aaron’s home and Dieter has just allowed Aaron to ‘scent’ Michelle’s clothing. They are now talking about what to do.


 

Reluctantly, Aaron perched on the end of the bend, resting his hands on his knees.
“I found her today ,” Dieter began softly, pointing to the pile of dirty clothing. “I have been searching for many years and today, at last, I had the chance to steal her possessions to enable us to follow her. When we spoke, I knew; she reeked of cat.”
With a grin, Aaron stooped to retrieve the dropped clothes, once more thrusting them against his nose. “So she is Felis!”
“She is a beggar.” Dieter said wryly. “I found her on Motion Road begging for change in front of the library. There was also a kitten… it seemed… odd to me, but most cats do. In any case, I cannot think why the girl would carry such a pet around if she did not have an affinity for them. She must be the one… that smell…! But she has an arrogance to her which is incredibly unattractive. It is a classic hallmark of Felis: I offered her money and she refused to take it.”
Aaron shook his head, trying not to laugh. “Did you go to her looking like that? All stiff and uptight and professional? The kindly businessman doing his bit for the poorer people? If that’s how you’ve been searching no wonder you’ve had no luck.”
Surprise filled Dieter’s face as he fingered his clothes. “What is wrong with my attire? I am clean, presentable. I have a kind face – when I wish it – and I speak your language well enough… better than most in fact. Why should she be so scared of me? Because she was scared of me; I smelt that too. She would have run from me if I had not blocked her escape.”
“Well for starters, that would make her scared. You’re a complete stranger and a big guy besides. She’s just a helpless, homeless woman. For you to just march up to her and wave money in her face, it’s no wonder she was scared. Top that off with your spotless suit and your stiff, angry face I’m surprised she didn’t scream ‘rape!’ You have no people skills.”
Dieter smiled. “It is not my job to speak with people, I speak only with Lupus; that means you and the King. I may have no skill… But you do.”
Aaron’s smile froze on his face.
“You are well known, you are liked,” Dieter continued with an increasingly sly smile, “you have very many woman swooning before you every time you leave this apartment and each night your bed is home to a new one. You have a way to speak with people; women in particular. That is why I came here tonight.”
Aaron frowned as he began to connect the dots of this conversation. “You want me to talk to her?”
“Almost. You must get close enough to ensure you are alone and private and then you must kill her.”
Drumming his fingertips against his knees, Aaron slowly pursed his lips. His palms unconsciously rubbed at the fabric of the shabby jeans. “Why? If she’s one of us, then why kill her? Shouldn’t we be talking to her, trying to bring her to our side?”
Dieter all but spat in fury. “She is not one of us! She is a cat! She is lying, scheming and power hungry and believe me, if she knew what you were, she would destroy you without hesitation. We must not give her that chance.”
“Then why don’t you do it? You’re miles stronger than me.”
An impatient sigh slipped from Dieter’s lips. “She knows my face; I would not be able to get close enough. But you, the great and handsome Aaron Dantane could easily soothe her long enough to ensure that she is disposed of and never seen again.”
Aaron felt a wolfish grin tug at his lips. “If she smells like this, I’d much rather bring her home. I can think of a couple of things I’d like to do to her!” His hands tightened on the pile of clothes, and his body tingled gently with a pleasurable surge of lust. “If she’s a Follower, then she’ll be as strong as me, right? I won’t be able to damage her by accident like I do with human women?”
Dieter laughed loudly. “Always, you think with your little head!” Quite suddenly, he jammed a hand between Aaron’s legs, making the younger man yelp in surprise and anger. “This thing will get you in trouble.” He squeezed savagely on his handful of flesh and Aaron rocketed to his feet, scrambling away from the bed with his legs pressed together.
He pointed a trembling finger at Dieter’s face. “You said you wouldn’t touch me!” He roared. “I knew you were fucking queer!”
“Queer?” The blond man cocked his head. “I do not know this word. But it does not matter. I meant only to tell you that you must stop thinking with that thing between your legs and use the real brain between your ears. It is big enough to handle this mission I think, if only just.”
Aaron growled unintelligibly, jerking his dressing gown closed and tying the cord tightly around his middle. “Don’t do that again. Ever.”
“The girl must die. It is that simple. Tomorrow I will find her and tell you the direction she is going. Then you are to find her and kill her.”
Wistfully Aaron stared at the clothes. “Are you sure I can’t bring her here first? Just to… you know?”
Another pair of stinging slaps threw Aaron’s face first left than right. He snarled angrily, feeling a sharp crack along his jaw which told him that he was beginning to shift; bones displacing and reshaping to accommodate the growth of a muzzle. “Stop doing that!” He roared.
Dieter stared impassively. “Find her and kill her; that is all. If you fail I will do things to you to make these paternal beatings look a trifle. Do not fail.” He turned aside, moving towards the bedroom door. “And learn to control your temper.” With that, he slipped through the door and vanished from sight.


Its only a small secton; I don’t want to give too much away, but this scene took me a day to get how I wanted it. There are still lines here and there I want to tweak, but compared to the first edit, this is loads better. Which, of course, is the point! 😀

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Finger Ache


This has come about as a result of two things. Neither of them are bad and, strangely, they are linked to completely different things and ache in very different ways.

Finger Ache One
I’ve been practising guitar again. I was learning to play back in the summer and with the mini break down I seemed to have around September/October time, I was forced to stop because there just wasn’t time to squeeze it in. I’m a ridiculously busy person. However, with a friend of mine talking about starting a band and asking for drums, guitar and bass (I think) I realised that this was the perfect way to encourage me gently to practise. Just like writing, having a final goal is something that makes the hours of ache much, much easier to handle. Just like my weight loss (two stone and counting!) knowing where you are going, makes it easier to push towards that point and recover from set backs. So… I picked up my guitar again.

Ooooh boy, but my fingers are in agony. And just on one hand. My fretting hand (the left) is sore all over from stretching and raw on the fingertips from holding the strings. The strings are much less hard than they were before we changed them, and it easier to hold them now than it was in summer. But whatever hard skin I may have developed while I was practising every day last year, is now gone. Crickey! Even now, typing this – I touch type, remember? – my left hand is whining at me to stop. Mainly because, previous to writing this post, I was playing catch up on my other blog and typing up the posts that I should have done about four weeks ago. So I’ve already written something in the region of 2000 words today. Not hard, hell I do that for a single post on the Ice Wolf Tavern, but not normally after my fingers have been scraped raw.

The guitar is hanging next to me now; its mounted on a wall hook beside me, looking all awesome and shiny and beautiful. I’ll tell you what; having it so close by to me, is making me feel, more and more, like I want to pick the thing up. Plus, my partner also plays and so does my uncle. An uncle that’s going to be coming along to the party we’re planning here in the new house around Easter. The same uncle, incidentally, who I confidently told I would be able to play guitar with, next time I saw him. Eeep! So now I have two reasons to pull my finger out and get on with it.
I told him I’d be able to play a Bob Marley track with him and, even though I know its not totally possible, it would be nice if it could sound a little like this:

It won’t, not for a while, but I have a goal and, like I said, goals make things easier.

Finger Ache Two
I think this is more metaphorical than a real, physical ache. After all, my fingers do hurt, but this is something deeper than that pain. This ache is mainly from my desire- no, my need to write more. It might sound cheesy and cliché, but I’m incredibly happy when I’m writing. NaNoWriMo reminded me, more than anything has managed for a long time, just how much I love to write. How much it means to me that I can do it and how it feels when I put my fingers to the keyboard keys. Or even when I pick up a pen. I enjoy doing it and so far it is the only consistent hobby I’ve held onto. Everything else has had a shelf life of around five years… maybe six. Writing I’ve been doing since I was twelve.

This ache is more of the growing understanding that since Christmas I’ve lost my focus. I remember in November, when I was pushing to get the NaNo finished, I was writing almost every single day, sometimes as much as 10,000 words in one run. It felt wonderful, but the reason I managed to do that was because I had a goal and a mission and an end point that it was important to me that I reach. I think I’ve lost sight of that since the competition ended. Yes, I’ve managed to ‘win,’ I’ve got my printed certificate and everything, but that is the end of that, its a mission completed. Now, the far distant goal of ‘putting a novel in print’ seems unattainable and a long way off.

I keep thinking back to the way I felt back in October when I realised that SORB was in no way ready to offer to agents. I remember how crushed I felt. I’m not quite like that yet, but I have shifted my focus from small steps to the big goal which is, obviously much further away and a long term goal.

So, this ache in my fingers, to get back to my keyboard and write is my head pushing at me to keep working towards that goal. But I think I’ve got it wrong. I think what I need to be doing is setting myself small goals, just like for NaNoWriMo. That was thirty days and I knew what I had to do in that time. Looking forward to next year or the one after when I finally publish… well its no wonder I’m a little demotivated.

I’m going to set myself some smaller goals. I think that’s what I need to do; so say by the end of March that I’ve finished my rewrite of Clash and that I’m going over it a second time to see where more work is needed. The final goal for that novel is June when my voucher for the free proof copy runs out. But there’s no point getting it wrong and then ending up with a rubbish, unpolished novel that no one wants to read, because its a bit crap. I want to be sure its as good as it can be in the time I have available to me now.

Soothing The Ache
Well I know what I have to do in that case. With regards to the first ache, I’d better just keep practising until my fingers are used to it! 😛 The second ache, is a bit harder, but that’s what this blog is for; to remind me what I’m doing and to keep telling the world just in case you forget. Can’t have that can we now?

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Ooops!


Well that didn’t go quite as well as I had hoped. -_-
Ah well. I can make it up again as I go on; a post a week really shouldn’t be that hard to do. Though I will use the excuse (!) that I was away last week. I didn’t even write anything last week.

I went away to Conception which was fabulous! Games galore and people I’ve not seen since the last Con which was last year. All in all it was a great treat. Not the best for writing though.

I did have a couple of really bizarre drunken dreams though, which I’m tempted to turn into short stories when I have some time. Dunno how good they’ll be or even how long I can stretch them for, but it will be tempting to try.

Anyways, for now, this was just a quicky to get back into posting here regularly. I’m now heading off to work on Clash, so, hopefully, I’ll have some more positive news for you soon.

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A Post A Week In 2011


Yes, well I think that title is pretty self explanatory.

As well as charting the progress of Clash and SORB I think important to use this blog to remind people I’m here. Something I’ve not been doing too well at over the last couple of weeks. I could blame Christmas and New Year and Illness and Moving and everything else, but it just seems like something of a cop out to me. All of that stuff never stopped me going to work (even though illness really should have), so it shouldn’t stop me writing either. I’m not getting paid for it, but I still need to think of this as a job. A job for which I will be paid later.

So… I will be writing a post a week through all of 2011. I was going to go for ‘Post A Day’ but even the most enthusiastic part of me is able to acknowledge that such a think isn’t a realistic goal for me. Unless I was going to update you daily on novel progress which I think is a bit pointless really. So I’m doing A Post A Week instead.

Now everything has moved – as in, I’ve not got my deposit back yet, but everything is now moved out of my old studio – I should be able to get on with doing a little bit of writing each day. RPGs, short stories and Facebook crap don’t count. I mean real writing and real editing of both my novels. Clash is getting the priority because I don’t want my voucher to run out from NaNoWriMo, though after that, I’ll be straight back to SORB since that’s what this blog is about. I also plan to go back to the Writer’s Club and join up properly so I can keep attending their meetings. I’ll also get the hell on with joining Inspired Quill properly so I can write there too.

This year is all about my mission. Hold onto your hats, its going to be a bumpy one!

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The Necessary Pause


Right, so there really isn’t much I can do about it, but that doesn’t stop me feeling guilty as hell and more than a little irritated and twitchy.

Moving house is one thing; it needed to happen, I’m glad its happened and I know I’m going to love where I’m living and who I’m living with. But, since I’m still spread across two houses right now, I haven’t managed to get my computer over here. That means I’m typing this on a laptop – a mac no less; YUK! – and pining for my own machine.

Its funny how much of a security blanket your own computer seems to be. Or my own computer seems to be. I’ve not been so bad without it over the last week, though I am aware that all the fabulous thoughts and plans I had for Clash are slowly slipping out of my grasp. As a result, I think I’m going to use some time to refresh myself as to what I was planning and ensure that its in my head. That way, tomorrow, I can go back to my own place, grab my computer, bring it over here, hook it all up and be away!

Yes… this is the ‘necessary pause.’ And I say necessary, though I should, probably say ‘unavoidable.’ After all, I had to leave the PC in place to ensure I still had net access for other commitments of mine unrelated to writing. Now that has been sorted, however, I have very little excuse left.

I was also thinking, at some point earlier today, that its time to look into cover art for my book. I know I’m pushing ahead of the game here, but Clash is going to end up in print, even though I’m going to do it myself. I think it would be lovely to have some art work that actually linked in to the novel and was made for it. Dunno where I’m going to get that exactly, but I suppose I needs to start thinking about it fairly soon. Oh and I should look at what Scrivenger – or whatever they’re called – actually have to offer.

I know I can make the novel – it will only be a proof copy, but it will be as perfect as I can make it – available on Amazon. Now, Amazon is just a database, I know that. Its not actually a bookshop or anything like that, but people being able to find my work there and my name will be a fabulous start. But if that’s the case and people can buy it for a nominal amount, I still want it to be awesome and beautiful and perfect for you all. That experience will make it all the easier to look at Silk Over Razor Blades in close detail and go on towards finding an agent for that piece of work.

I would say that the search continues, but at the moment it doesn’t. Not at all. The novel is nowhere near ready for that level of scrutiny and my attention is all on Clash right now. Though its nice to remember what I’m actually doing this for, every now and then. The rush and the thrill I get at the idea of putting my work in print.

There. Well I really am just rambling at this point. Time to stop methinks. The more tidying I get done in the study, the easier it will be to move my computer in and get the hell on with work!

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