80 Post Challenge – Post 53

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Ileandra Young

Write about your greatest fear

There are lots of rubbish, crappy things I could write about here. All those silly little phobias that you carry over from childhood; the dark, monsters under the bed etc. I’m not going to write about those, simply because they aren’t what this question is about.

My greatest fear, something I discovered last night, is that everything I’ve done so far with my life is a waste. That may sound a bit melodramatic, but at the moment I’m being forced to reassess my life and prioritise in a way that makes previous attempts look like a joke! Big whoop – I now have a timetable that tells me what I should be writing and when… I’ve cut out those activities that I just don’t have time for so I can give my focus over to writing. Well done, Illy; I should have done that years ago. -_-

Pretty much everything I've written over the years in hard copy (except for recent - last three years - work)No, no, I mean in the upcoming months I’m going to have to choose between my children and my writing. And that’s not even a choice! Of course my children are going to win that little bout; there’s no contest there. But what does that mean about everything I’ve been planning and writing and putting together for the last five years?

Not to say that my twins will make it impossible to do any writing; but it will make it horrendously difficult. And I can already see that my priorities are changing. I’ve been choosing to stay in and rest rather than go out and play games. Or I’ve stepped away from a computer where good things were spilling out of my fingers so I could write details down on my little ‘I-felt-the-twins-kick-me-chart.’ Even now, before they’ve shown up, writing is getting pushed further and further back in my schedule.

My word count for January was fabulous (if I do say so myself), February wasn’t bad, but I’m going to struggle to meet March if I don’t pull my finger out.

So what does all this mean? Does it mean that my mind is slowly working towards saying ‘I don’t want to do this any more? I want to give myself utterly over to the two new lives that are going to depend on me for everything for the first stage of their lives? And then, of course, continue to depend on me as they grow?’ I know that’s what its like; because I still lean heavily on my mother. She doesn’t need to feed me, clothe me or burp me any more, but there are times when I need to hear her voice so badly that I can’t think of anything else. That’s the sort of thing I’m scared of, because I already know that if I am writing something in… I don’t know- twenty years time and one of my children phones me with a crisis, the writing will be forgotten in an instant. I’d get in a car and drive straight to them if they needed me, because that’s what I want to do for them. So writing automatically takes a back seat.

My greatest fear – at least right now – is that all the grand plans and novels I have planned will take a back seat to my children and that I have, in effect wasted my time up to now. Part of that fear will be realised as soon as they pop out of me – because my writing, including this blog I suppose – will end up way down the list of priorities after I’ve taken care of what they need, but the rest? I don’t know if it’s a waste; I don’t know if I can still do as much or push as far as I was planning this time last year. And that’s what’s scary; the unknown.

 

 

 

 

My 80 Post Challenge is brought to you with help from Tom Slatin’s 80 Journal Writing Prompts.

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Tag You’re It!

Posted on March 6, 2012 by Ileandra Young

Oops! Lordy; I was always useless at games of tag when I was younger (being far better at spelling tests and maths problems than running about in the playground). I hated getting hot and sticky and smelly and having people paw me as I desperately tried to flee!

Tag! You're It!I think that’s part of the reason why I’m so enamoured of this idea; virtual tag! It’s a fab idea, I’m and pleased to be part of it, so what I think I’ll do is get right on in there by explaining what I’m talking about by way of explaining:

The rules:

  1. You must post the rules…
  2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
  3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
  4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

Okay so let’s do these one by one.

You must post the rules…
Aaah, I’ve done that already. Fabulous! And because I’m a bit anal in this regard, I’ll end up posting them twice. Never mind, eh?

Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
Right, well I just drifted onto Monique’s blog – The Long and Short of It – and kinda tagged myself. So these are the fabulous questions she asked:

1. Lefty or Righty?
I’m a righty! Good n true! Tried with my left once, it was an (un)pleasant disaster, won’t be doing it again

2. The happiest time of your life is/was:
Oooh gosh… erm. Probably right now. Like right now. I know that sounds cheesy, but my job is okay (for now), I live in a lovely house, my friends are great, my family are wonderful, I have the best partner in the universe and I’m pregnant with twins. I’ve got a shit-load to be happy about right now!

3. What is your earliest memory?
Stealing the chocolate from my sister’s advent calendar days before the number would come up. And then getting caught. Uh-ooooh!

4. Most embarrassing moment (that you’ll admit to):
Hmm, I don’t embarrass easily – I don’t have time! – but probably the time I wrote a Crimbo card for a lad I fancied in school which let it slip (not that subtly) that I totally fancied him. By lunch time everyone knew!

5. What makes you laugh out loud?
Bill Bailey. Bad porn films. QI. Jeff Dunham. Louis CK. My crazed friends. My early attempts at writing horror.

6. Name one thing you would like to “fix” for all of mankind, be it a collective thought or gift to give:
I’d like to give everyone the gift of contentment. Being content with what you have (not to be mistaken for goalless by the way) is the first step to being happy.

7. Evolution or Creation?
Evolution (sorry Mum).

8. Do you remember any of your high school teachers – who and why?
I remember all of my English teachers for the various good/bad things they did to literature. My Business Studies teacher who said I was lazy (screw you, Miss), my Chemistry teachers who were all round awesome and my first Music teacher who made scales funny. Somehow…!

9. Who is your hero and why?
My Mum (is that sad?) because she is and always has been an unshakeable, unflappable rock. I want to be just like her.

10. Can we make a “Better” tomorrow? How would you contribute?
Hell yes we can, let’s start by just being nice to each other. Talking instead of fighting! I’d contribute by cutting snarky comments down to an absolute minimum and even then reserving them for only those who deserve them. :p

11. Inn-ie or Out-ie?
Well, before I got pregnant I was an ‘innie,’ but any of you paying attention to my Twitter/Facebook will know by now that my belly button is rapidly vanishing. Very soon, I’m sure; I’ll be an ‘outie.’ I wonder if it pops back in afterwards….

Right, that’s the questions I was asked. Heh, that was quite fun. Now for eleven new ones, right?

  1. Hard or soft cheese?
  2. Vampires or werewolves?
  3. What’s your favourite book?
  4. What was the last film you watched?
  5. What’s your favourite childhood memory?
  6. Did you (do you) have an imaginary friend?
  7. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
  8. Kindle or physical book?
  9. Name your ideal celebrity parents and tell me why you picked them.
  10. Backstreet Boys or Take That (come on; everyone had a preference – think of it like the werewolf/vampire ‘teams’ in Twilight!)?
  11. What would you do with a £100,000,000 lottery win?

Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
It might be a bit naughty, but I think what Monique has done works very well. So… rather than running out and tagging people, I’ll say that those who comment should consider themselves well and truly tagged. I’d love to see your answers to these questions guys. Ta!
Oh, and if you’re one of those lovely people who reads this blog, but you don’t have one of your own; I’d love to see your answers in the comments here or on Facebook. Go oooooooon; you know you wanna!

Let them know you’ve tagged them!
Aaah, you’ll know when you comment, right? But don’t worry; I’ll respond to the comment as well so you know you’ve been spotted. Right… let’s do this!

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eBook Review: Wrestling With Love

Posted on March 3, 2012 by Ileandra Young

Author: D. H Starr
Title: Wrestling With Love
Genre: Gay & Lesbian
ASIN: B004NSUZJQ
Publisher: Ai Press
‘You know I’m totally head-over-heels, crazy in love with you, right?’

Twee.

I remember when I had to ask what that meant, because I was a word that I hadn’t come across before. But now that I know, I can think of no other word to describe this book. It is so sweet that even the memory of it makes my teeth ache.

And yet, despite myself, I really, really enjoyed it. Weird! Scott and Derek have just left High School; they are moving onto College (University for us, I guess) and looking forward not only to living together, but coming out together in an environment very much like the one they have left behind. Unfortunately Derek’s ideas of how soon he wants this to happen move far quicker than Scott’s, who is more than happy to remain quiet about their relationship for the time being.

Cue friction.

Now any good story comes from conflict, but I sometimes felt that even though the pages should have been steaming with rage, disappointment and resentment, it just wasn’t there. These boys were so understanding of each other’s needs that it almost became boring. That is of course, until external forces came into play. I don’t want to give to much away, but it wasn’t until the middle of this novel that it actually starting to pick up some grit and some real passion.

Still I very much enjoyed reading the book; Starr has a way with words that makes my mind swing from a bunch of lads gathered around a pool table ogling dirty pictures to a bunch of girls telling each other how pretty their hair is. The difference is quite startling and though it jars at times, the central theme to the story rolls along unscathed and ending is suitably satisfying.

There was one punch, however, that I really feel should have been thrown by one chap in particular. I’m somewhat disappointed that didn’t happen, but from the rest of the tale I can kinda see why.

If you have a bit of a sweet tooth and don’t mind slogging through the length (in excess of 100k words I believe) then give this book a go. 🙂

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Scared Out Of Self Publishing

Posted on March 1, 2012 by Ileandra Young

I want to talk about Self Publishing. At the beginning of the year, I hinted that I had a plan with regards to getting some of my work out there by way of self publishing. Because these stories are either flash (up to 1k words) or short (no more than 15k words) its difficult to find anybody interested in publishing them, unless I submit to anthologies. So I wondered about the viability of putting together my own collection of stories and marketing that along the Self Publishing route.

Lol, notice that I keep capitalising ‘Self Publishing?’ Its because in my recent research, I’ve found ‘It’ to be a big, scary bug bear, full of pit falls and traps into which an author can fall and languish should they not be prepared.

It was this post that frightened me. Odd, because I know full well that what this chap is saying is true (to some degree). However I can think of very few people out there who have £500 (and more) lying around that they can use to hire an editor. Hiring an editor is all well and good and it will, of course improve the quality of your writing beyond your wildest dreams. But if you don’t have that money – and I don’t mean if you have other things to buy with it, I mean if you just don’t have that kind of money spare, nor will you ever! – then what are you supposed to do? Not self publish?
Humph!
From a personal point of view, every scrap of spare change I have right now is going into a savings account for my kids. There isn’t even much of that because there’s shit-loads I’m going to need to buy for when they arrive (you think having a baby is expensive, try having twins!). So does that mean that I have to give up any thoughts I had of self publishing until my babies (not even born yet!) are old enough to fend for themselves?
Double humph!

However… after reading that and panicking for a half hour or so, I read this blog post. Which helped me to realise that wanting to Self Publish does not meet leaping onto a leaky raft by yourself and casting yourself out to sea. There really are people out there who understand that the industry is changing and that, believe it or not, there are quality authors who are forced down the Self Publishing route, because traditional publishers are too hot on making money to take a ‘risk.’

In my opinion, there is a market for everything, you just need to know where to look for it. And I also feel that traditional publishers are missing out, because of their stubborn stance. More fool them to be honest; because with eBook sales roaring there’s loads of money that they just won’t get any more.

With Self Publishing becoming so easy to do, yes, of course, there are going to be some authors who just don’t give it the professional effort it needs. These are the people who have helped to develop the stigma around the practice. But there are also authors who do everything they should, come up with work of incredible quality, with clear, individual voices and fabulous stories, who get skipped because they struck out on their own.

Hmm. I think I’ve talked myself in a big circle there – I do that a lot. My final assessment/thought/decision however, is that Self Publishing is not as big and scary a beast as I initially thought, and so long as I treat anything I might one day self publish, as if it were being sent to a traditional publisher, there is no reason why my work cannot be as polished and enjoyable as anything released by the Big Six.

So nyah!

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Bonus Blog: Imagination Malfunction

Posted on February 29, 2012 by Ileandra Young

I’ve talked about my imagination before; how proud I am of it and what it can do to me if left to run riot.

However I experienced something on Sunday that just made me want to curl up and die. Or at least panic in a rather unflattering way.

Dave and I went to Mothercare. In of itself nothing amazing or terribly frightening. I did manage to stave off tears (though that was hard work) and I only cooed a little bit (honest) over tiny baby clothes, wash basins and bibs. However, we were mainly in there to look for double prams and we did eventually find one that wasn’t bolted to the floor. So he unhooked it and I had a little bit of a push.

Can I just say… it was the most alien sensation I’ve ever experienced – and I’m a LARPer! I’ve experienced some pretty bizarre stuff! I don’t seem to have any memories of pushing a pram previous to this, not in any capacity, and doing so on the shop floor made my insides twist into knots.

We left a little bit after that and drove back home, but on the way I just turned to Dave and said ‘Why is it, that I can easily imagine Leicester City Centre torn part by a zombie apocalypse, but I can’t imagine myself mooching into town with a double pushchair?’
He laughed, as you’d expect. Even I managed to laugh eventually, but after he pointed out that such a question would make a brilliant blog entry (hence this post) I started to think about it a little deeper.

Imagination is a powerful tool. Mine works from things I have experienced and then runs off with it; turning something simple and/or normal into a high adventure. My imagination takes ideas that exist already and twists them into something new that suits me, be that good or bad. It also takes hold of my fears, wants, lusts and dreams and applies them to real life.

Picture of zombies in Leicester

Click picture for the source article!

So… with the zombie apocalypse; I’ve seen enough zombie books and films, played enough zombie games that its easy for me to take what I’ve ‘learned’ from those things and apply them to the place I live. In my mind’s eye I can see the train station still smoking from the fires within as streams of zombiefied Leicesterites hobble out screaming for brains. Granby Street is lined with broken shop fronts, smashed up cars and the occasional blood splash leading to a thoroughly munched body… which is just about to stand up.

Easy!

But put me, two babies and a pram together and my brain seems to go into melt down. It just can’t cope. And you’d think that would be easier, right? I mean; I see family units all the time, particularly with the amount of time I spend people watching in Neros. I see lots of prams with calm babies, happy babies, screaming babies. I see cheerful mothers, harassed mothers, tired mothers, teary mothers. Several of my friends have children as well and I see them, or pictures of them regularly interacting with their offspring. Its on TV too; everywhere. So with all that food for my brain, why can’t I process it and apply it to myself?

????

The only explanation I can come up with right now, is that because none of it has happened to me that I can’t easily apply those images to me. I can do it with my sister(s), my mother, a random stranger on the street. Its easy to superimpose the image of a child onto any of them. But there’s nothing in my life, close enough to ME that I can use as a base.

Not that I’ve ever been in a zombie apocalypse, you understand, but I’ve played games where I had to try to put myself into that situation, so my brain has had practise. I’ve not had to put myself into the mindset of juggling twins, so that’s harder.

So… I think this is going to be a great exercise for my imagination. I think it will only get stronger as a result. The fact is, I am going to experience this very soon. There’s no shaking that. Indeed, I should be practising now, so I can start to get a feel for how I might react when faced with the reality.

Heh, I’ll let you know how I get on!

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