You’ll be at nursery in a couple of hours. In your own sweet way you know I’m working and that it’s important for me to have this time away from you. It’s not because I don’t love you, it’s because I do, very much, and I want to be the best person I can for you.
Those hours while you’re at nursery aren’t spent lolling around and watching TV. I might (force myself to) have lunch and watch a show while I’m at it, but what I’m doing is securing a future for you and for me.
It’s a long payoff, this writing gig. For all the work I’m doing now, I’m unlikely to see much (if any) return for months. Maybe even years. I’m working in good faith that my effort, persistence and (hopefully) skill with pay enough to put food in all our mouths, keep a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs.
You don’t get that now. But you will.
People do what I’m doing in many different ways. They choose to do it through working in offices or supermarkets, with other children, or with animals. I chose to do it with made up stories that I’m not going to let you read for very, many years.
That’s what I want to talk about today. The fact that all this work is going on and you’re not going to be able to see it. Not for a while anyway. I want you to know that even though I’m hiding it from you, it’s not because I’m ashamed of it. And there will be people in your lives who feel I should be. That you should be. But I’m not ashamed. I’m hiding these stories from you because you’re not ready for them yet. You’re young and the biggest thing in the world for you right now is having the spoon with the little piggy on the bottom to eat your cereal. Or the one with the ceramic handle Or the one with no adornment all, but it is super shiny because I only bought it last week. Basically you ain’t ready.
But when you are, I will give you the stories if you ask. You’ll be embarrassed (probably) but nowhere near as much as I will be. I’ll tell you that now and ask you to remember the fact. But I won’t hide from you. Not only because I’m not ashamed, but because I feel you should be able to ask me anything you want and expect a clear, honest and respectful answer, even if that answer is ‘I’m not going to tell you right now; I feel you’re currently too young to understand.’
Sex isn’t something to be hidden away, or shoved under the carpet or reserved for ‘other people.’ It is a fun, natural and necessary thing that I just so happen to enjoy writing about. One of the reasons I enjoy writing about it so much is because I see it as my chance to enlighten and educate. Despite all the sex, my stories are about people and, whether you like it or not, you’ll encounter lots and lots of those as you get older.
There will be lots of things around you that teach you things or show you things before I can. Other books, other people, TV, film and music. I hope that when you’re old enough to be truly influenced by these things that you’ll remember that I have opinions on them too, opinions that I thought enough of, that I chose to scribble them down in story form to share with the world. I hope you’ll see that as something you can then ask me about, or, if you don’t want to ask to my face, will go and find yourself. It won’t be difficult. Hell, but the time you’re old enough enough to understand this, we might all have chips in our brains that allow us to purchase ebooks with an eye blink.
I feel somewhat like I’ve drifted back and forth from point to point, not really focusing on any one thing. For a blog post I’d usually nip that in the bud and start over, but for this letter, that’s okay. Because that’s how we talk. We dart from one thought to the next all the time, singing nursery rhymes one moment, to asking for chocolate the next. Somehow, I wonder if that will even make this easier for you to understand.
But if you don’t bother reading the rest of this letter, if you skip right down to the this last paragraph with a case of TL:DR, then take this thought away with you. Mummy isn’t ashamed of what she does or what she writes about. Nor should you be. Anything you want to ask or know, I will tell you if I believe you are mature enough to cope. If I don’t tell you, I will explain why but you can always, always ask.
Yeah. That’s it. ^_^