Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop 15 #CritHop


Button for blog hopToday is all about cake baking and shopping lists ready for tomorrow. We’ve finally decided what to do for the boys’ birthday and are looking forward to a lovely garden party complete with food and drink. Whee!

I know I’ve been ‘late’ with this post quite often recently, but this week, that’s the excuse (and I’m sticking to it!).

Thanks for your comments last week. I haven’t done much with the piece yet, though I’d like to enter it somewhere, so I’m going to look at it as much as possible over the coming weeks. This week, however, I’m going to offer some more older stuff. I keep finding it and I’m so happy to see it that I’d like you to see it.

So… this piece is 198 words and the trigger word for it was Fleshware. Self contained flash fiction, I’d love to know what you think. 🙂

“How do I look?” Maxine twirled before the mirror.
“Beautiful.”
“You don’t think it’s too much?” She patted her cheeks and curled a section of hair behind her ear.
“No, it’s the perfect balance.” Lloyd’s reflection loomed into view at her shoulder. He leaned in to plant a kiss on the side of her neck. “It’s a good look on you.”
Beaming, Maxine turned away from the mirror and plucked a magazine from the desk. She gazed at the image there for a moment or two before dropping the whole thing into the bin. “I’ve always wanted to look like Halle Berry.”
“I prefer Kate Winslet, myself.”
Squeezing passed Lloyd, Maxine slapped his backside with her palm on the way to the door. “Just because you like red heads. I’ve always been partial to Ewan McGregor but you don’t catch me complaining.”
“What’s wrong with Colin Farrel?” He pouted.
“Nothing sweetheart.” She kissed his cheek. “Come on; we’re late.” She opened the door and gestured him through, pausing long enough to call to the empty air; “computer, shut down.”
A mechanical monotone replied, “Facial reconstruction complete. Fleshware 5000, shut down initiated.”
Maxine shut the laboratory door behind her.

As ever, visit here for the rules if you’d like to join and, meanwhile, hit these links below for what else is going on on the hop.
http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/
http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/
http://ileandrayoung.com
http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com
http://jennifermeaton.com/
http://richardleonard.wordpress.com
http://jordannaeast.com
http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/
http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com
http://jlroeder.wordpress.com
http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/
http://ashortaday.wordpress.com
http://mandyevebarnett.com/
http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com
http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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About Ileandra Young

I'm a thirty-*mumbles* year old (purple loving, cheese worshipping) author of fantasy, juggling a pair of beautiful twin boys with my burning desire to make up stories and write them all down. When I get the chance, I play games, listen to music, and in days long past I even ran a radio show. Though I occasionally write non-fiction, my heart lives in fantasy and my debut novel, Silk Over Razor Blades is now available through Amazon along with part two of the trilogy, Walking The Razor's Edge.
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7 Responses to Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop 15 #CritHop

  1. This is most engaging but I have no idea if these two are robots or avatars or something like that. Of course I didn’t think that till the end because I had no reason to.

    Keep on it. This is interesting.

    Like

  2. caitlinstern says:

    Interesting idea! I read the line about touching her cheeks and thought ‘that’s kind of odd.’ But I was thinking cosmetic surgery/ fx make-up with wigs. And it made sense in the end.
    Love the celebrity worship, too.
    The only thing that caught my eye was the “mechanical monotone” of the computer. Voice systems are fairly decent these days, so I’d expect them to be even better in the future.

    Like

  3. THe story flows nicely, but I’m not 100% sure what is happening. Did the girl get a facelift? Were they real people? Did the man not exist at all? I’m wondering if they are on a holodeck like in Star Trek or something. I know it’s only 200 words, but a touch of “something” to clarify would brighten this up a bit. Nice work though!

    Like

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