The week has been a hard one, but it has also been productive. Though it’s against my grain, I’ve done a bit of editing on the WIP. It’s against my grain, because I prefer to get the whole story down before I edit (you can’t edit what’s not there!), but I think I’d like to show how all of your input has helped me.
This snippet is a reworking of the previously two weeks; my prologue from the WIP Walking The Razors Edge. Putting together all the comments and the thoughts you guys (and other groups) have offered me, I’ve taken the prologue in a brand new direction. Daniel is no longer the pathologist/coroner and his purpose in the tale is such that his presence now makes more sense. I didn’t reach the point of it in previous entries (250 words doesn’t get you far) but I think the chapter will also come to the point much faster as a result.
Let me know what you think! 🙂
The day began with a body.
Daniel might have taken it for any other shift if not for the argument brewing over this particular specimen.
He lingered in the hallway with his mop and bucket, wiping a stretch of floor tiles. The voices from the room beyond dipped and troughed, forcing him to lean close, pressing his ear to the glossy wood.
“This is the burn guy?” The first voice snapped with the sharp tones of a man on the edge of his patience.
“Says the tag.”
Murky water splashed the tiles as Daniel dipped his mop and reapplied it to the floor.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“You read it then.” The second voice, female, came close to shouting. “I’m telling you, this is the one.”
Moisture seeped into his shoes. The cold crept over his toes, through his socks, but Daniel couldn’t stop. He pressed closer to the door.
“Hey, man. You mop that tile any more, you’ll take the colour off.”
With a yelp, Daniel leapt away. The mop slipped from his hand, clattering against the floor. He spun round, palm pressed to his chest.
The new comer, with a body shape reminiscent of a bowling pin, grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. “Danny-boy!” He wagged his finger. “If they catch you again you’ll be for the chop.”
Daniel ran his fingers through the dark tale of hair dangling down the nape of his neck. “Dude! Don’t creep up on me like that.”
“Stop listening to the grown ups talk shop, then. It’s none of your business what the suits are up to.”
Stooping, he retrieved the mop. “There’s been a mix up.”
Jimmy gave him a quizzical look.
“The cadavers. I think this one’s been labelled wrong.”
With a pointed look at the mop and bucket, Jimmy raised his eyebrows. “And this has what to do with you?”
Tah dah! :p
That’s a little more than 250, but that was a slightly more sensible place to end the segment. Apologises for flouting rules.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you guys and making my comments on your currents works. 🙂
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