First, let me just say thank you Jennifer for instigating and managing this idea and to everybody who was kind enough to comment on last week’s offering. I’m very appreciative of all your kind, constructive and helpful words and want to assure you all that my work is already looking stronger from your input. I’m sorry if I missed anybody on my rounds offering critique last week; I will do my best to ensure I catch you all this time around.
Last week, I offered the opening 250ish words of my WIP Walking The Razor’s Edge. This is the sequel to Silk Over Razor Blades and continues the story of Ileandra who became a vampire in the first book.
What I probably should have mentioned last week is that the opening of WTRE is a prologue. It encompasses the epilogue of SORB in a modified form to bring the reader into the tale where they left off. For readers coming to the story at book two, rather than book one, the prologue should serve the dual purpose of bringing the reader into the tale in a way that isn’t confusing. I hope!
Anyway, I would like to get the whole of the prologue out here so I’m going to give you the next 250 words. Once I’ve done that I think I’ll revert to just posting problem sequences.
This is my first draft, so I am painfully aware of some of the issues in the work, but I feel that by posting this draft here, I will benefit from your opinions and thoughts early enough to influence my writing of the rest of the book. I’m currently 20k words in and I predict that the story will reach about 90k before it is complete.
Anyway, without further ado; here is the section:
Daniel had read all about it; catching the news in all the papers and on the radio on the way into work.
At first, Daniel had looked forward to treating the body. The strange, morbid fascination which drew him to the job in the first place, made him eager to see the charred, blackened remains and examine them. He could think of nothing better, on the drive that morning, than examining them in detail.
And yet, when he arrived, the body lying in its neat black bag, complete with a small, white ID tag dangling from the left big toe, was neither black, nor charred. It didn’t even look burned. The fellow looked totally whole and could have been mistaken for a dozing drunk if not for the obvious lack of any life signs.
Daniel grumbled to himself again, picking up the little clipboard to once more check the details against the fellow in the bag. It just had to be the wrong body. “Name,” he read aloud, “‘unknown. Date of birth; unknown.’ Seems we know very little about you at all, fellah!”
The body still, silent, utterly dead, gave no answers.
His conversation with the paramedic crew who brought the bag through had been short and heated. One quick glance into the bag convinced Daniel, that this was the wrong body, and yet the uniformed medics refused to hear him. None would look in the bag, despite his insistence that the body was whole and unmarked and none would accept even the smallest suggestion that they were wrong. It left Daniel confused and agitated; rolling the gurney through the hospital himself to work on the body.
As ever, any and all comments are gladly received and I look forward to reading what the rest of you have produced for this week.
The list below includes all the other bloggers taking part in the hop, so please do investigate what others have written. There are some excellent openings that I’m looking forward to catching up on myself. 🙂
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