I know, I know, vampires have been done to death, but I’m so enamoured of recent Twitter conversations that I just can’t help but bring them to the blog.

So what does make a vampire?

Those appalling specimens from Twilight? The light defying, grim faced Blade? What about Dracula in all his awesome incarnations (Gary Oldman, Christopher Lee, Leslie Neilson)? Kate Beckinsale in that gloooooooorious black spandex leaping from building to building in Underworld? What about the face morphing rages of Angel as he fought to hold onto his soul? Or the long haired, emo darlings of Interview With A Vampire?

Lots to choose from, right?

Sure you got the usual things like blood, coffins, aversion to sunlight, garlic, earth of the homeland, shapeshifting, crosses, holy water and that most inconvenient issue of not being able to enter a house uninvited, but are those really the only problems that vampire have?

Here are some of the questions that came up during hilarious conversations with what is fast becoming a favourite cluster of Twitter folk:

• Can vampires get drunk?
• Do vampires get stoned? Can they even smoke?
• What happens when vampires eat solid foods?
• Do vampires need to use the bathroom?
• How did Angel get that tattoo?
• Is it really possible for someone (even Buffy) to kill a vampire with a sharpened pencil?
• Is it just crosses that cause vampires trouble? What about the Star of David?
• Do vampires bleed?
• Is paper an effective vampire weapon? (that was an odd one)
• What happens to all the blood they drink?
• Can a vampire ‘hawk a blood ball?’
• Is a vampire likely to be affected by a sunlamp?

And so on…

This conversation has been going on for days and only now seems like its dying down. Its a shame, because I’m really enjoy the bizarre questions and the even more hilarious answers that come about as a result.

I think, at the end of the day, even I’m not sure what makes a vampire any more. I certainly used to be, but after this string of very searching questions I may even need to do some rethinking. Before you know it, SORB vampires will be peeing, smoking and shrieking every time they look up at a mosque or church. Its okay though… so long as you don’t invite them in, right?