Everything is so good right now. I’m not kidding. I came home from work a couple of days ago beaming and marching. I opened the front door and threw myself into the house where I shouted ‘Everything is awesome!’ And my partner, who clearly heard me, just laughed. He agreed… but he laughed too. And so did I. Love seeing him happy, he loves seeing me happy and that particular day (and those since) have been the same. We have so much to be grateful for! He’s been offered some work which will take him places he’s really interesting in going and Clash is in proof stages. Its being shipped to me! Its nearly there!!! In about about a month I’ll be able to hold the book in my hands and feel the pages under my fingers. I can’t wait!
Its my major dream come true, no doubt about it! Its been a goal since I bothered keeping track of my goals. It doesn’t matter if the book is print on demand; its still in print, my name will still be on the spine and people will be able to buy it and own and enjoy a novel written by me. WAAAAAAAAAAAA!
But… (there always is one isn’t there? Normally big and hairy), it does make me wonder. How long will all this good stuff last? Life this good can’t last forever, can it?
I believe, that fate and luck and goodness is on a wheel. everything in life is balanced and so positive luck and good feelings are balanced by negative luck and rotten feelings. Everyone gets their fair share and as the wheel turns good things happen and bad things happen. I really do believe that. I went through all of school believing that; I had to because it was the only way to get through some days while I was there. But in believing that, it strikes me that soon, all of this good stuff I’m experiencing needs to be balanced out by something bad. 😦
I kinda believe in fate. Not that what we do is taken out of our hands, but that there are certain things that are guided by some form of higher power and some things are supposed to happen. Some things are made to happen some things were always going to happen, regardless of your actions. That, for me, is what fate means.
Anyway with all that that in mind; I was always going to publish a book somehow. When I first sat down and came up with the Topanga character years ago, that was when I knew I’d see my name on the spine of a book one. But that is stubborn determination rather than fate. So does that count as one of those good things in the good section of my wheel? Of course it does; the way I feel right now, if I were to step off a building I’d almost believe I could fly; I feel that good (don’t worry, I’m not going to try it). Work is great (considering its work and a waste of vaulable writing time, it could be a lot worse), my writing is great, my friends and family are great. I’m going on holiday next soon (yey hot weather!). My love live is grand; I have a partner who loves, nurtures and understands every single part of me and strives to catch up with those bits he may not be sure of yet. I am so so so so lucky! I have friends who love me and care for me, even if they are miles and miles away. In fact, I’m staying in contact with those friends better than ever before and remembering how much I love them in return and how much I miss them. I had an awesome conversation with my father last night which always makes me feel good because for so long we just had nothing to say to each other. All of it…. even my health! My weight seems to be stable and I’m pushing to loose the extra few pounds of my goal that I laid out with the nurse yonks ago.
There is nothing for me to complain about right now.
So I get a little scared that stuff can go wrong. That something is going to happen that’s devastating or massive or disrupting. I have no idea what it might be, but my belief in the wheel has always kept me going; the understanding that bad is balanced by good and visa versa. Eep. Well I’m not going to let it wreck my day… but I am going to be wary of it.
And I am going to ask you if you’ve ever believed the same thing….
Comments below please. 😀