Sometimes – just sometimes mind you – I wonder if I’ve run out of things to say. If only because every three seconds my mind has turned to one of two things; my babies and my job.
My job is a recent development, in that the company I work for has announced a string of redundancies that will effectively bump off a quarter of the work force. My entire team is at risk. And, to be honest, I suppose its normal to be worried considering the fact that I’m supposed to be going on maternity leave pretty soon.
The babies are not so recent a development; I learned about them the weekend I returned from my last LARP last year. Of course we decided to keep it quiet until that all important three month marker, but it was still on my mind, you know? Now its all about twins and moses baskets and birth plans and pain management. >.< Even more interesting because more than before, the pregnancy is starting to take its toll on my day to day life.
I had two weeks off a short while ago for fatigue and fainting spells and another day off last week because my body refused to get out of bed. PGP is nothing to be sniffed at and its on its way to SPD which hurts like a BITCH!
Anyway, with all that going on in my mind, I thought it best that I just do this post to get it out of my system. Well… not to completely forget that I’m pregnant or anything daft like that, but to draw the focus of my blog back towards what I’m supposed to be writing.
So… here goes.
I’m pregnant. With twins. They are due on 26 May, though in all likeliness I’ll go in three weeks early for an inducement – something that my consultant told me, very early on was what might be best. Of course, that’s on the assumption that my precious babes don’t decide that they would like to breathe the free air a little sooner than that. Who can tell, right? I have no idea what they are, other than to say that they’re identical and will therefore be either two boys or two girls. Originally I quite liked the idea of one of each, though two of one ‘flavour’ if you like, is growing on me a great deal. If only because I can imagine playing all sorts of tricks on people when they’re old enough to play along with me. Heh, and then, of course, when they’re old enough to play tricks on me I’ll have be sure that I’m wise to it.
Names are something of a funny thing. The running joke right now is that we’ll end up with one ‘human name’ and one ‘elf name’ just because our tastes in names are so different. Though admittedly some of the Welsh ones are incredibly pretty, with a pleasant taste on the tongue when you roll them out your mouth. We both cooed over ‘Gabrielle’ yesterday in a way that was encouraging, just because double-cooing – as I like to call it – doesn’t happen as often as it could. It hasn’t stopped my list from growing though, and its rather telling that its early entries are populated by character names. Well… they become character names because I like them! So that shouldn’t be surprising, right?
Right now, as I sit at my desk, I can feel them thumping me quiet pleasantly as I write. Dave is behind me doing some mixing, which they also seem to respond to quite well. Music, singing and laughter seem to be things they like very much which, considering their parentage is quite comforting. There will be no shortage of any of those things in this house.
I suppose I could talk a little about how I’m feeling. Though this is one of the few times that I can think of, off hand, in which that’s quite hard to do. I never anticipated something like this happening to me before. I was always a great advocate of ‘I’ve got my own things to do; there’s no space for babies in there.’ But the more I think about it and the more I feel them growing inside me, the more accustomed I become to their movements and moods, the more I wonder what it will be like.
To say I’m excited is a wild understatement, but I’m hiding it quite well under a glaze of calm which, in turn, is only just shielding the world from my terror. I’m almost blind with it and the latest news from work doesn’t really help. The world and local news I watch every day after The Simpsons doesn’t help much either.
I mean, what sort of world is this to bring two children into?
Though I should be frank right now and say that I feel that all that stuff will only help them. Dave and I are different enough that we have a varied wealth of love and experience to bring to two new lives, but we also love each enough that any perceived ‘problems’ are immediately quashed. Sounds mushy, but its true; these kids are going to be so, so loved (with a good ear for music, story telling and SPAG)!
Right… I drifted a bit there.
In other posts I’ve talked about their impact on my life, both as Ileandra Young and boring me who works 9-5 in an office. Though, to be honest, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this is a chance to bring more of Ileandra Young to the forefront. I’m under no illusions that I’m going to have no time at all for writing in the first few months, but after that, while I’m still on maternity leave, and they’ve learned to sleep through the night, surely there will be some time to complete a few more projects? Surely there will be some time to maybe get started on Walking The Razor’s Edge, while testing the waters for interest in its prequel, SORB? Surely some of the shorter stories and flash fiction I’ve been writing can be shot off in the direction of competitions, open anthologies and the like?
These twins are already blessings – as my mum calls them – but I wonder if they’re even more of a blessing than even she realises? Maybe they’re going to be the push I need to finally get my writing career moving with a little speed. I’ve done so many things already this year, things that I never thought I’d do before these babies, that its only one more thing to add to an ever growing list of ‘Can Dos.’
Heh, maybe that’s why I love talking about them so much; I’m excited about all the things we’re going to do together and all the things I’m going to do for them, because rest assured… its all about my babies now. ^_^ If they can’t have it at least half as good as I have all these years, then I’m doing something wrong!